I have always been tall, slender, and most importantly, blonde. Natural blonde.
That may not seem like that much of a big deal, especially for a twenty year old woman studying Geography at university. But as a child, it was something that led to a massive confidence issue. I remember constantly begging my mother and the hairdresser to let me dye my hair brown, to become one of those ‘fun brunettes’. And now, watching all of these old teenage films out of boredom, I remember just how much I hated one aspect of them.
You see, the villain of so many of these films are tall, slender and blonde. Seeing a theme? Every film I seemed to watch, ‘Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging’, ‘Mean Girls’, ‘Wild Child’ to name a few – all had these blonde bitchy girls as the main antagonists, and the heroine as a sparky brunette. Even films like ‘Legally Blonde’ and ‘Clueless’ didn’t impress me, because although ‘Legally Blonde’ ends with the blonde being amazing, to begin with she is portrayed as the typical ditzy girl. And those were the two choices I only ever saw; the bitchy high school mean girl or the completely ditzy blonde.
My main issue with this is that as a child it meant that I was constantly seeing the blondes portrayed in pretty negative ways, and I had no idea how to counteract that. I was intelligent, I wasn’t ditzy. I just wanted one blonde star who was like that, instead of being mean. This may sound pretty pathetic, but it did get to me.
And I guess it still gets to me now. We are currently in a sort of phase/trend where blonde hair is no longer the ‘in’ thing. So every guy’s type seems to be petite curvy brunettes. And I can’t change who I am, nor would I want to. But it gets a bit wearing after a while when I am constantly asked if I dye my hair or being completely overlooked because I do not fit the current beauty standards. For the record, the only time I’ve dyed my hair was March of this year when I dyed the tips lilac.
I am aware this is a pretty pathetic post, and that many people may hate me for it. But essentially all I want are some teenage films that portray blondes as intelligent kind people. Maybe films have changed since I was 14. I hope so. But the most recent films I’ve seen on Netflix don’t give me that much hope.
I’m blonde, and proud of that. I wish there could be some teenage movies that give the same sense of pride that I’ve had to find within myself.
Hey all, bit of a long post coming up so deal with me here. But hey, it’s been a while.
I’m not entirely sure if anyone reads this, but I like writing and I like talking on a platform where maybe someone will read it so I don’t feel like I’m talking to a page that can’t reply back – you’re only good for so much diary – so here it goes.
When I was last on here, I was suffering. Badly. I didn’t know what to do, I was in the middle of exams and I felt like my entire life was falling apart. I didn’t want to be at uni, I didn’t want to be in Scotland. I wanted to be at home with my family and hiding from the world because the world had proven too much for me. I couldn’t cope. But I started getting counselling, started talking about the things in my life that had destroyed me, and I began to get better.
Yes, to begin with this was all triggered by a guy. I don’t blame him, not of it was caused by him really. I like to describe it as the foundations of my life had some really bad cracks, and all it took was one crack more for the entire house to come tumbling down. Unfortunately for him, he was that final crack. So that relationship is gone and there’s no way friendship is coming from it. But I don’t really want to be friends with him. So I think all of this has worked out alright in the end.
I passed my second year of university! Go me! It doesn’t count, I’m in Scotland; but considering everything I’ve felt I was proud. Did I use the semicolon correctly? Probably not. Let’s move on. Back to passing! It felt great, very pleased with myself and I’m actually starting to be consistent and not consistently bad – so that’s a bonus. I don’t really talk about studying much unless I’m doing it, so moving on.
I’m back home now, with my lovely cat. I need to upload a photo of him at some point, because he really is my favourite. Oh look at you telling me I’ve spelled favourite incorrectly computer. Shut up. I’m not American, the ‘u’ is important. So yeah. Back with the family, back with the three (?) friends I have in this town. But hey, the family are good. I’m painting my Warhammer models with my brother and we’re having some sibling time. Also we booked to go to New York! First family holiday since I was 9 (I’m 21 in September, it’s been a long time involving a divorce and a late father, I’m sure you’ll get the story someday) so I’m pretty excited. Family time is something I finally appreciate.
I go back to Edinburgh at the end of this month, and will have a new flat! Again, this is a massive positive because my old flat was slightly toxic. Also, awful internet. So I’m looking forward to living with new people and getting to know different friendship groups and essentially just feeling like a student that is actually happy again. That has been a while.
I think that’s all for now. Basically, it’s late, I want to sleep, I’m lazy. I bought some more makeup brushes? That’s the news for today. Promise I’ll actually post more soon. Love ya.
One exam down, two to go. T-minus 23 days before I’m out of this flat for good.
So, hey guys. It’s not going so great. Exams are stressful but I love focusing on the revision and I feel like this next exam on Tuesday is going to go great, or at least better than the first one. Human geography I’ve always struggled with, but physical processes I’m a bit more down with. Less waffle, more logic!
But yeah, it hasn’t been so much fun. I’ve cried a lot, and felt that old friend anxiety pretty much constantly. I had a bad spell on Wednesday when I went out drinking, and have now promised my close friends that I won’t drink until I’m more mentally stable. I think they worry more than they let on about me, about how I might do something or be a risk to myself. I don’t think I’m a risk to myself, I normally reason my way out of any feelings; but I do understand their concerns.
This flat is getting to be a little bit. I booked my train ticket home for the 30th May so now it’s just a case of lasting til then and then it’s back home with the family and people who understand what I’m going through properly. I do have one supportive flatmate and I will miss her so much when I go, but overall I will be glad to get out of this toxic environment. Not having a place at uni that I can comfortably call home really isn’t helping the situation.
So yeah. We’re getting there. Just focusing on the exams and trying to do well. Only 23 more days until I’m home.