Hey there, I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve really thought clearly.
I said when I first started this blog that I wasn’t sure what form it would take. So far it has been an amalgamation of images and discussions about life. I am aware however, that my last post lacked clarity and was written on a night when I felt like I was about to lose everything. I feel lucky that I managed to get through it, with the help of close friends.
I feel it is important to be honest about the struggles currently facing me, and to announce that this may not be the happy blog I had originally intended. So here it is, the grand truth. Right now?
I am not okay.
It’s strange how difficult those words are to type. How difficult they are to admit to the people you care about. I feel the fear of having to acknowledge my own weakness, acknowledge that I am no longer able to ‘power through’. It is not a weakness to admit you need help. I freely admit I need it, and am seeking it. But while in the wait for help, I can’t help but wonder about the situation I find myself in, and wonder about the past eight years. Has my life been building toward this moment? I don’t know. I don’t have any answers, at least not in this blog post. But there is nothing wrong about that.
I am not okay. But I am doing everything I can to manage that.